October off to a rough start
We’re in the first full week of October and money is still tight. While the bills that are due earlier in the month are getting paid, there is very little left for other things. Unfortunately we won’t get paid until next week, which is great but it’s still a week away. My wife’s income has been limited from not working for awhile, and then switching jobs, and we’re still waiting on the first paycheck from her new job. She finally got her first and probably last paycheck from the previous job, so that should hold us over to next week.
I’m a bit frustrated at the spending going on with limited income. She was going to buy tickets to a baseball game, and I had to put my foot down that we didn’t have the money. It didn’t go over well but I stood my ground. So instead of going to a game, we went downtown this past weekend. I think way too much money was spent and it just creates more stress for me than enjoyment. I’m not an anti-social person, but I strongly believe the bills should be paid before we have fun. This is a big personality difference between the two of us.
This weekend is going to be dull compared to the previous. I told her we need a plan regarding what should happen with her first big paycheck. She has two store credit cards that need to be paid off at some point. It would be nice to actually catch up on bills so that we’re in front of the next month instead of juggling due dates. If I could I would try to pay every bill as soon as it came in, not the week or a few days before it came due. Staying in front of bills helps avoid any potential problems later.
Sorry my updates have been so few and far between. The workload at my job has picked up big time and I haven’t had much time to blog. My wife is busy managing a classroom of 7th graders and we only have a limited amount of time each evening. What is interesting about this financial crisis is that it only affects you if you let it. I’m happy that the US dollar is going up in value and gas prices are down. I may have lost nearly a quarter of my 401k but time is on my side and it will go back up.
My 401k lost about 30% as well this past month - but since I’m not retiring in the next 10 or 15 years, I’m good…
Getting spending under control is a huge deal - my wife and I spent about $40 last night going out to eat downtown… We hadn’t done that in several months, so it was good to splurge. Just as focus on debt reduction is important, I think its just as important to “budget” a few splurges as well…
I think you also wisely pointed out in your earlier post that staying ahead of your bills also reduces the amount of interest you pay. I agree with Brack- I think when you discuss your budget with your wife and you should give her some concessions on “mini-splurges” in exchange for her agreement to use most of her paycheck to paying down store ccs and her student loans. Good luck!
I know what you mean with getting frustrated. We sometimes go out and spend money we should be putting towards our debt. The way we combat it is to try and spend the next weekend in, doing things around the house and watching movies instead of going out and spending money. That helps us to balance it all out.
Retirement for me is at least 3 or 4 decades away so I’m sure I’ll have time to recover. One of my 401k’s has dropped 29% this year. It’s sad to see it down but I’m not worried about it. Regarding the weekend, sure it was nice to get out of the house, but we also didn’t buy the tickets for the same reason. Money is just going to be tight for a week. I’m actually looking forward to the second half of the month because it will be much easier than the past.
I agree that we need to splurge from time to time. The only problem is I have a hard time spending money on myself. My wife’s problem is there isn’t enough money to spend on herself. I know right now she is after a teacher bag (I’ll call it a purse) and a winter coat. The important thing is to make sure to put a limit on these things. I wouldn’t like for her to get a nice paycheck and only have a bag and coat to show for it. We have other bills that need to be paid (off) so that we won’t need to struggle so much later.
It sounds like once the paychecks start coming in and you can budget for them in terms of amount and timing, you should be able to allocate it up front as to where the money goes. It also sounds like budgeting an amount up front for ‘entertainment’ type things would be a good idea. Obviously that’s something that’s needed to prevent friction, and if you and your wife agree on the amount up front, it can keep the amount in line and allow for you to have less stress as well.
Jim, I think you guys should allocate your wife blow off money just like “need to be debt free, JW”. It might satisfy her shopping crave.I am just afraid if you take away her whole psycheck for bills, she might really egt frustrated and start hiding things.
I know about the concept of blow money. It would work if we could live by a budget but that’s not how things work right now. I’ve tried to fit our expenses into my income alone, and her income is to fill the gaps because it hasn’t always been there. She’s starting to get billed for her student loans now though, so those are going to have to start being paid. The money that has been spent in the past through credit can be paid off. I’m not going to pay them off for her. I would like her to pay those cards off so she understands the satisfaction behind the concept of getting out of debt.
another purse? Didn’t she just get one recently?
Your wife has my sympathy when it comes to managing adolescents, but she doesn’t need an expensive bag to do so. (I’m living out of a National Institutes of Health tote bag I got free at a conference two years ago.) If the money to pay the bills isn’t there, there can be no splurges. Period.
in these situations, it’s more likely that having her own income stream will embolden her splurges. she’ll see it as being financially independent from you and question your right to say how she spends her money.
Well… I rather match Your Wife than You - I always prefer fun before reason. But it’s not good… I’m trying to change myself, but it’s really hard… So be polite to Your Wife - if You really love Her just keep on trying to change Her.
Good luck!
P.S. Nice to hear some hope in Your voice (metaphorically of course
)
“if You really love Her just keep on trying to change Her.”
(!)
” I’m not going to pay them off for her. I would like her to pay those cards off so she understands the satisfaction behind the concept of getting out of debt.”
This is very paternalistic and revealing. And it’s why your readers say your marriage is in trouble and maybe you should divorce because you are supposed to be partners, not a dad and his disobedient kid. Look, your wife doesn’t feel the same way her debt. There’s a real disconnect of purpose and unity in your relationship. Seek help for that and then you might be able to attack the debt together.
Kerry: She ran up the debt, on her own, without my help. Why should I keep paying it off for her to go turn around jump back in? I think it would be helpful to her to pay her own debt off herself. It’s not about me telling her what to do as it has more to do with her taking responsibility for her actions.
“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways.” 1 Corinthians 13:11
I’ll put this out there one more time, the people commenting on divorce as a solution need to keep those opinions to themselves. Any further comments suggesting divorce I’m going to delete. The alternative would be to make the blog private for myself to log the progress of getting out of debt.
Good luck and keep trying.
your mention of censorship and making the blog private reveals quite a bit more about your personality and this blog. it would seem that to a large degree it is pretty much a private blog already, where you can vent about your wife’s actions and attitude and welcome only the comments that resonate with your current thinking (it’s inevitable that things will get better). a confirmation bias.
I understand you do not wish to give up so easily (what is the point of marriage if you can so easily cast your partner aside?). I think it raises a bigger philosophical question: if you cannot change someone’s attitudes about a destructive behavior, but are eternally committed to this person, then doesn’t that instantly set up a remarkable stress on you that needs some outlet (this blog?).
“Kerry: She ran up the debt, on her own, without my help. Why should I keep paying it off for her to go turn around jump back in? I think it would be helpful to her to pay her own debt off herself. It’s not about me telling her what to do as it has more to do with her taking responsibility for her actions.”
But you’re not letting her do that. She has the debt, she runs it up, and she doesn’t stress out over it and think up how to pay it, which would presumably give her the “satisfaction” of paying it off. YOU stress out over it instead. You’re imposing your values on her actions. She thinks in an entirely different way. The two of you have a weird dynamic where you try to solve her problems, absolving her of the need to do it for herself, but you are very resentful of being the only one who seems to be worrying and working on this problem.
And keep in mind Jim, I don’t say divorce over it it. I keep saying you need heavy duty marriage counseling because otherwise you will divorce, not because of debt, but because the two of you are not united in a common purpose and lifestyle. And speaking as someone who has been in a relationship with someone and his crushing debt, not being on the same page and unified destroys the relationship over the long term.