Calm after the storm
There was a hurricane down in Texas this weekend, but up north near Chicago we were getting rain for three days straight. Flooding was the major worry because some areas were getting 8 inches an hour. My sump pump rarely stopped and I’m happy my basement is still dry. We didn’t go anywhere in the rain though given gas was $4.35 and the checking account was dry. I got paid today which is a huge sigh of relief.
So where do we go from here? Tonight I’m going to put some stuff together to outline a plan of action. Instead of myself paying the bills this week, I’m going to have my wife pay them with me. She needs to know where it is going and what we have left after the bills are spent. I’m tired of trying to come up with a plan to get us out of debt when it never seems to make the least bit of difference in the end. We also don’t have her regular check to work with yet, so spending needs to be reduced during times like this. I think she won’t receive her paycheck until the end of the month, which is going to be difficult.
I’m getting tired of the people advocating we get a divorce. Most of this advice is probably coming from people who have been divorced or have seen what can come from a divorce. Financial responsibility isn’t something everyone is naturally born with. As we grow up we learn behaviors, typically from our parents, on how to do things such as money management. I don’t think my wife is in a clinical depression either. It’s a slump that we go through and resort to stupid things to pick us back up. We’re getting through the rough patches, together.
Thank you to all the people that understand what we’re dealing with. I read the articles that were posted but haven’t shown them to my wife yet. These might be brought up over time because I’m still trying to get her on board with looking at our finances together. It’s obvious that I cannot get us out of debt alone, because the progress I make gets wiped out. Every year it seems our debt grows beyond what it could have been by this time the previous year. Obviously this trend line cannot continue or we will never be able to get out. Sometimes I casually ask her what we could do with an extra $700 a month. That is how much we put towards the payments every single month. The eye opening effect doesn’t seem to last though.
No word yet from the interview she had last Friday. I’ll post something when she finds out whether or not it panned out.
Glad to read you haven’t experienced any flooding. But I’m most glad to read that you’re creating a plan of action that involves your wife. I agree that we’re not born financially saavy and some of us need more help than others. (Heavens knows, I’m one of those that need as much help as possible.) Your wife is lucky that you’re very financially responsible and conscientious. You’re taking the most important step in dealing with your finances jointly. Good luck and I will be rooting for you both!
Don’t worry about the anons. I’m convinced that half of blog commenters are really just teenage boys with too much time on their hands! And I know things will get better for you and your wife. My Mom taught Catholic school and subbed until she finally landed a public school job. Three years later she got tenure. 12 years later and she’s making over $100k! It will get better, especially if you get on the same page soon. Good luck!
Hey Jim. Thanks for sharing your story. I’m 27 and single, so I don’t really know what’s it’s like to manage finances with a partner. You’re sharing opens my eyes. I’ve always been hesitant to even date just because I don’t feel financially stable. I just don’t want to invite a woman into a financial troubles. But, than I think… Hmmm… Suffering through something is when you really learn something and I bet doing that with a partner could really bring you closer as you cultivate your relationship with each other an the finances. For what it’s worth… I heard a really cool quote. “The Grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.” Cheers to you two.
Having her look at the bills and pay them with you is a good idea–I remember a Suze Orman show where she was counseling a guy who blew all his money on going out and whose roommates were always having to get to his cash before he spent it, and one of her prescriptions was that he had to take ONE bill to start with, get it changed to his name, and be responsible for getting the roommates’ shares to pay it each month.
It’s always a good idea for married couples to tackle their finances together. Good decision!
It seems the fiscal responsibilty often falls to one person or the other in relationships. What was really eye opening for the both of us was when we wrote out all of our debts and payments on a big dry erase board. Sitting there staring at 2 credit card balances and student loans, car loans and a mortgage was very frightening. Maybe she just needs to see it-really SEE it in a big way.
BTW-people who say to just get a divorce are not worth the air they breathe. Seriously, unless there is a blantant abuse, usually it is at least worth giving things a try. Being broke is stressful enough and divorces aren’t cheap.
I can’t believe so many people told you to get a divorce. Wow, talk about giving up easily. People would actually “get a divorce” over this, just like that? Good to see you’re more committed and don’t give up so easily. Hang in there.
Hi Jim, I was about $160k in debt with a failing business, not sleeping feeling sick all the time. Then I was talking to a person about the situation of Debt. This person just said to me you have fallen for the biggest trap in the world. At school none of us are taught about money and how to deal with it. WHY? because the powers of be want you in debt and paying for the rest of your life, and now they are after your children or grand children and getting them indebt before they leave college. There is a couple of movies on my blog about Debt and Money. I am not going to tell you how to get out of debt, that is your decision, but watch the movies I would appriciate your comments. As far as debt there is more than one lawfull way to skin a cat. http://doshsecrets.blogspot.com/