I’m not sure what it is with relationships and money, there is never enough of one or the other. It seems for us when money is there our relationship is good, but as the money runs low or out for the month, it leads to problems and not talking. Why does money have so much power in a relationship?
I think there is a difference between poor and broke. My wife feels that when we run low or out of money we’re not doing any better than poor people. This bothers me big time because I define poor people as lazy and lack the ability to make money. There is a difference in poor and broke, and broke is temporary. We don’t really have a budget or spending plan as some people call them, so after the important bills and such are paid the remaining is used for the day to day. Eating out and clothing seem to be trending as our largest monthly expenses. I’m also finding it highly frustrating that I make a large amount of effort to stay on top of the money.
A friend of mine actually suggested to stop doing everything and let her take it over. I could do this but I cannot say that I would put it out of mind and would be keeping tabs that everything got properly paid for the month. The last thing I need is a bunch of people calling us because they show we did not pay a bill. What I really want to do is for us to work together when it comes to paying the bills and staying on top of the money. She can see what comes in and what goes out, and what little is left if any.
My wife suggested doing separate checking accounts which would split the money to my money and her money, no longer our money. I don’t agree with this because the common household expenses and bills would have to be split based on the income levels between us to make it fair. This almost reduces us to a roommate status living in the house together. The other things like taxes would also be separate on top of that. I am avoiding doing this like the plague.
I’ve taken on a lot more work lately and could very well possible be getting promoted which also comes with a pay increase. It would be nice to utilize extra pay and bonuses wisely in order to pay off debt faster. The problem that always comes up with lump sums of money is my wife almost mentally spends it before it hits the bank. I don’t seem to have much of any control over the extra money, which bothers me. Obviously this cannot continue because it isn’t working for either of us.
Please don’t bother mentioning marriage counseling because it is very expensive for a Dr. Phil to tell us we have a communication problem. I am fully aware of the problem it is more how we can solve it and work together. It’s difficult to keep putting myself on the line wanting to work with her, and she just tells me to keep doing what we’re doing. For the next month I would like us to do a spending activity where we will track every cent we spend every day for a month and identifying if it is a need or a want. At the end of the month we will see what is happening with the spending patterns. I would like to develop a spending plan or budget that we could actually follow, but it hard to solve the problem unless there is evidence of a problem.
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